I definitely agree with the idea presented here. I hate cheating down to its very core, and believe that it is largely avoidable. The fact that people do cheat is nothing more than evidence that we, as a society, have become lazy, choosing not to put the self-searching in and potentially finding self-fault and instead covering fault up and pretending nothing is wrong.

Well said, my dear! So true! If he isn't giving you what you want, chances are you aren't giving him what he wants; he will find it elsewhere. 

@Garistotle - exactly.  I hate cheating too.  It can destroy a relationship and is a horrible route to take.  I do understand it though...how it happens.  I've never cheated and hope to never be in that situation but I've heard lots of stories and most of the people who were cheated on were having trouble in their relationship anyways.  If you (not you, just people in general) feel unhappy and think your spouse in unhappy you should definitely work on things before letting it get to this point.
@seedsower - That's right.  Most of us have plenty of our own issues to work on.  If we all worked on ourselves we would find the world would be a happier place in areas besides just our relationships with our spouses.
@StewieIsMyHero - yep.  I heard a surprising statistic the other day.  Out of people who have cheated, 60% are men and 40% are women.  Women are almost just as bad!!!

@randomneuralfirings - no you didn't mention that but WOW I can sense it!

Wow, that's pretty sad. 

@StewieIsMyHero - yeah...I bet it's even more and women just won't admit it.  I think women are just really smart about hiding things...most of them.
@StandUp2Life - It really doesn't make any since.  I hate that a bad relationship resorts to cheating in so many cases.  I think it would be best to work on things, seek counseling first, etc. and then if it can't be resolved to go seperate ways.  Some people just hate the thought of a break up so they'd rather sneak around.  I would much rather do a clean break before getting involved with someone else.  Hopefully I'll never be faced with cheating though.  I've seen too much of it from other people and know from personal experience from my parents divorce after infidelity how crushing it can be.

i agree that the only part of a relationship you can fix is what you're putting into it. and that bitching at each other doesn't solve problems.

but something about "my wife let herself go" as an excuse for an affair has always rubbed me the wrong way. i don't like the idea of blame for cheating always falling on what the wife is doing wrong (or not doing right). it definately is a two-party failure. because shouldn't he have told her a long time ago that he had a problem with her talking/behaving to him like that instead of keeping his mouth shut and going off and finding someone else to "connect" with?

maybe i'm just bitter because i've seen way too many marriages fall apart due to cheating and this is usually the reason given.

i agree that both parties need to keep contributing in order for a marriage to stay alive, though. there's never a time when the work is over (but it should never feel like a job!).

:)

@ilovemy2babyboys - Again, I completely agree. They have been together for 2 and a half years, and this is not the first time he's cheated on her, and she's also cheated on him, at least once that I know of. Neither of them are willing to end things, and like I said before, they just go on like nothing has happened, and don't try to change anything in the relationship. It's not going to fix itself. For their sake, I hope they realize that soon, before it's too late.

Good post, I always believed that most affairs (not all, because there are some true-blue plain' ol assholes out there) are caused by both parties to varying degrees of guilt, but with the rare exception, neither side is totally exempt from having contributed to it. The problem is communication, I think, at the core anyway. Maybe a man had an affair and his reason was "because his wife let herself go", but no one ever thinks about the reason behind why his wife let herself go in the first place... for example, maybe because he was neglectful? People don't always dig deeply enough when thinking about why an affair occurred, and the wrong thing gets blamed in the big picture.

@follow_home - oh yeah...totally agree.  There is NO GOOD excuse for cheating.  It is WRONG.  There are reasons that lead up to it though.  They don't justify the wrong but they often lead up to the wrong.  I wish it wasn't as common as it is.
@TheJoyfulCynic - the cheater is at fault for cheating.  I don't know that they are at total fault for the relationship to be in a bad place when they cheated.  If the relationship seemed to be perfect and then someone cheated I think I would have a harder time forgiving them for it.  My dad cheated on my mom and there is nothing that justifies it but I do know that it was at a time when they were experiencing marital trouble, sadly.
@StandUp2Life - Are they married?
@AibellFaeire - yeah...I hope the man doesn't point that out when he's begging for forgiveness though, it could back fire.
@BohemianLamb - it can be a horrible domino effect.  It does seem that there is a trend in most relationships that lead up to cheating.
@maniacsicko - There are ways to hide it, haha

@ilovemy2babyboys - No, they're not married. She is still in college, 20 years old and he's 23. His explanation for not breaking up with her is that he's invested 2 and a half years into a relationship, and he doesn't want to throw that away (so he's just going to stay with her forever I guess??) Yet he constantly tell me that it's not like they're married, and there's nothing holding him back. He knows in his head that he's in a bad place, his heart just can't accept that. 

Sometimes, I appreciate the simplicity of my singleness.

Agreed.